No, it’s not an oxymoron, take time out to enjoy the lighter side of being a beanie.  With some true (ish) quotes, mishaps and jokes!  Remember, it’s not just about money … there you go!!  There’s your first one!

 InFamous Quotes

Q. What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A. Jail.

Q. What's the definition of an accountant?
A. Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q. What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
A. Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Q. Why did the auditor cross the road?
A. Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Q. Why did the Accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours?
A.  Because on the box it said ‘Concentrate’.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.

A fellow walks into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says, "Can I help? Have you lost something? "

"No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."

Q: Why are they putting the accountants at the bottom of the ocean?
A: They found out that deep down they're really not so bad.

Sitting in a compartment on a train were the tooth fairy, an expensive accountant and a cheap accountant. On a table between them was placed a briefcase full of money.

Suddenly the train entered a tunnel and everything went dark. When the train exited the tunnel and the light returned, the briefcase was gone. Who took the briefcase?...

Well, it's obvious really. It had to be the expensive accountant as there's no such thing as the tooth fairy or a cheap accountant!

The doctor comes to see his heart transplant patient.
"This is good news. It is very unusual, but we have two donors to choose from for your new heart."
The patient is pleased. He asks, "What were their jobs?"
"One was a teacher and the other was an accountant."
"I'll take the accountant's heart," says the patient. "I want one that hasn't been used."

A lost balloonist lands in a random field and asks a man out walking his dog "Where am I?"
The man replies "you are three feet in front of me in the middle of a field"
"You must be an accountant!" retorts the balloonist
"How did you know that?" the man asks incredulously
"Easy. What you just told me is 100% accurate but absolutely useless!"

Q. How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A. How much money do you have?

Q. When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A. When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep what does she say?
"Darling, tell me about your work."

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."